Some bug got into my candy. Dangit!

Got a phone call at the office from some Dr. whose name I couldn’t pronounce. It took me a bit to place him but we met once at a lunch and he tracked me down to get more info about a program I’d told him about at Fuller. I’ll be honest, I have him narrowed down to 1 of 2 people but I couldn’t tell you which one he was…

Was informed that tmrw night I’ll be eating snails.

The “R” key has popped off my laptop keyboard. Poor lappy, he’s taken a beating on this side…

Sitting in an internet cafe with “She Thinks My Tractor’s Sexy” blaring in the background.

Computer problems.

Freak out.

Late night, early morning. Repeat.

Ate said snails. Actually enjoyed them. The thing to get over was shlurping them out of the shell.

It’s getting cold here. I should’ve brought my toque. For the nights at least. It’s still warm during the day but it gets chilly in the evenings and early morning. Three cheers for my sleeping bag.

Emailed off the annual report draft for feedback. Yay!

My picture is in some Khasi newspaper.

Power outage.

Power back on. Now the internet’s out.

Internet’s back. Better post before it’s too late

“Whatever it is that we’re afraid of, one thing holds true…that by the time the pain of not doing the thing gets worse than the fear of doing it, it can feel like we’re carrying around a giant tumor.” Grey’s Anatomy.

I love this show. A few qualifiers. Season 1, and 5 are Grey’s at its prime. Season 2 is a close runner up. The rest of the seasons? Meh…But they build up to Season 5 so it’s not a total write-off. But Grey’s has got me through a lot. So, awhile back I splurged and used a gift card to treat myself to seasons 1 & 2. Thank you amazon.com for cheap just-like-new-used dvds. In packing for India I chose to take a selection of my fave dvds along with me. Season 1 made the cut. Last night I needed some chill time so I put in my “comfort food” of dvds and watched some Grey’s. It gets me almost every time. I’m not a big crier in movies. Titanic? Nothing. A Walk to Remember? Don’t hate me but I started to laugh when she breaks the news that she’s sick. But for some reason Grey’s can make my eyes water faster than an onion. It’s strange, but watching Grey’s can be a heart check at times. If my heart is full, Grey’s makes me cry. If I’m happy, Grey’s is hilarious. And so on. For the record, I never said I was normal

So, the quote above jumped out at me last night. Hmmm…I  mulled over it a bit last night. This morning I tried to pray a bit about it. What am I holding on to? What am I avoiding or stuffing down? What am I afraid of? Fear gets me pretty much every time.

Then I read this little blurb:

“Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes. “ (The Message)

Then I went to church. Auntie was preaching and let me tell you, she can preach it. But I got hung up on her first few lines. She quoted the passage about unless a kernel falls to the ground and dies…And then she said something about sacrifice. Since I’m trying to be honest…the first thing that came to mind was “Oh shit” (pardon my Albertan, although it’s also the Khasi word for hot…). And I spent the rest of the sermon trying to reason with God. But dangit, somehow he always wins. I need to let go of some things and stop running from others. I need to not let fear have the final say. I just hate it. I hate sacrifice. Sh… See, without thinking that word follows! Because I know that sacrifice is hard. It rips you apart. It’s no shortcut. Sigh…

And yet, somehow, his way, even when it’s stinkin’ hard and seemingly not fair, his way is best.

It may rip you apart but he never leaves you that way. It’s like surgery, it cuts you up but it’s so that you can heal.

I’m just a bit intimidated. Its looking like this month’s theme is going to be “sacrifice.” I won’t say it, but you know what I’m thinking…

In case you’re wondering, I still have not outgrown my klutzy nature. Friday night, for example. I had to go through the meeting hall and I was late coming back from work so I didn’t want to disturb the evening vespers. I thought I’d quietly sneak in the back. Great plan Antonia. Until I fell down the steps and into the back door. The entire room of girls turns back to see what the commotion was. What to do? Laugh. Wave. Scurry to my seat.

It was like the time I tripped on the steps during the All-Star date at T-dub. Or the time I was running across campus to my friends on the bench. Let’s just say I didn’t make it Or the time I fell off the beam at the beach. Or the time…

Classic.

www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2025189&id=180500411&l=2a97a1d9b3

The family who gave me an entire bunch of bananas.

The woman who served gave me biscuits and tea and bought me a jainkyrshah. A jainkyrshah that cost Rs. 100. That’s a little over 2 USD but for her, that’s the equivalent of 5 months of her SHG savings.

The family that cooked all of us NEICORD staff lunch. They even served us chicken. 

The woman who gave me tea, samosas & sweets after our interview.

The women who gave me scarves and shawls before I left.

They didn’t get the memo.

They didn’t know that they were poor.

I’m beginning to miss home.

I’ve already missed my 2 sisters’ birthdays and come December I’ll be missing my brother’s birthday and a close friend’s wedding. I missed meeting my youngest cousin born 2 days before I left so she’ll be so huge by the time I see her at xmas!

I missed Thanksgiving, Halloween, watching the leaves turn orange and yellow as summer fades and the first snowfall.

I miss fresh vegetables and drinking cold glasses of milk.

I miss peanut M & M’s.

I miss happy hour.

I miss taking showers that don’t require buckets or pre-heating the water.

I miss regular internet access.

I miss blending in.

I miss being able to drink water straight from the tap.

I miss debriefing the day with my roomie.

I miss being able to call friends and skyping with my little brother.

I wouldn’t trade my being here for anything. But there are those moments when I wish that being here didn’t mean not being there.

Don’t let me forget you.

Don’t let my life return to normal.

Don’t let me feel settled.

I spoke with some women today and my head and heart are still mulling over our talk. I was asking them about their lives and they told me about their work. A typical day in the field begins at 5am and goes until 4pm. Because they’re women, the day is actually much longer, they wake up before 5 to prepare food for in the field and when they return they cook the evening meal for the family. I asked them if they take any days for rest and they said they must work every day, it’s a must and work is only missed in the event of sickness. With so much labor in the field I asked if their crops were sufficient to provide food for their families for the year. They said if the elephants, pigs or monkeys don’t destroy their crops it is. I asked them how often the animals get into their crops. It seems the question should’ve been when do they NOT destroy their crops. One woman joked that they have no “help” from the wild animals during planting, but as soon as the rice is ready for harvest they cannot get rid of these “helpers.” So, the result is members of the family must guard the fields. “If we make one mistake, miss only 1 day, it’s finished.” Guarding is not a foolproof answer either. The woman shared that the elephants scare her. “And it’s never just 1 elephant, it’s an entire herd! What can we do to stop them?” The government aid is a pittance and that is if one is lucky enough to actually receive it.

One of the women asked me if I could help them. What can I do?? She said “If only we could get some medicine to kill the elephants!” She was a feisty lady

No one should have to go hungry in this world. No one.

It seems absurd that I come from a world in which so much food is wasted and thrown away, where we have way too many kinds of toothpaste to choose from. And today I am in a world where one’s entire existence is spent struggling to provide food for the family. What do I do in light of these contrasting realities?? How should I respond?

I think I’m going to hate my world for a little bit when I go home. I miss my friends and family and can’t wait to see you all again! But part of me is dreading the transition. I’ll be coming back right before Christmas, a holiday that in many ways could be summarized by 1 word: excess. Food, spending, gifts, parties, and on and on. It seems so ridiculous. When I think of how little one really needs and how much I have…I try to live simply, to purge my closet on a regular basis, to give away what’s extra, but it just doesn’t seem like enough. So what is?

The longer I spend here the heavier my burden is for when I return.

Friends, help me to remember these stories I’m writing about. Sit with me when I’ll need a good cry. Lend me your listening ears when I need to rant about injustice for a bit. But more than that. Let’s think together about what we can DO. How we can LIVE. Who we can BE.

I keep thinking about the first line of the song Doubting Thomas (Nickel Creek): “What will be left when I’ve drawn my last breath?”

Friday was a looong day. We drove out to a village an hour away and helped plant a SALT vegetable garden. By the time we came back we were covered in dirt and exhausted. We were all looking forward to the chance to wash up!

When it came my turn for the washroom I eagerly tore off my clothes and began filling my bucket with water. It was then that I looked up and noticed a large spider perched in the corner about mid-way up the wall. If not for the naked thing I would’ve called Kosmos to come and shoo it away. But it was just me and the spider and I wasn’t about to put on my dirt-covered clothes bc of a silly spider. I told myself to get my act together, after all, it was just a spider. I could do this. I figured as long as I kept my eyes of my 8-legged friend I’d be fine. But then, the daily evening power flickering began. As the light flickered on and off my calmness was quickly decreasing as panic levels rose. I wasn’t sure what I’d do if the power actually stayed off for more than a flicker. Being in a room with a large spider is bad enough. Being in a room with a spider while naked is less desirable. Being in a room with a spider while naked in the dark…It was one of those “I hate the village” moments. And of course it was this point that I began seeing things in all the corners and shadows of the washroom. At one point I backed into a string hanging from the laundry line and almost jumped out of my skin! All that to say is I think I set a record bucket shower time!

The humidity and my curly hair do not get along so well. I don’t think I’d call my hair curly so much as frizzy while here

The result has been tying my hair back to keep it out of my face and as in control as possible. But the women of the Umjarha village did not approve. One of the older women went into her home and came out with a comb and a bottle of oil. I was afraid. She motioned for me to sit on the bench in front of her. Did I have a choice? I sat down and she rubbed the oil on my head and began combing my tangled locks. She yanked and pulled and then slicked back my hair into a new and improved look. Well, I don’t know if it was improved, it was…slick. I just sat there laughing, what else could I do?