Alarm goes off. Already?? Finish packing. Brush my teeth. Prayers with Atola. Meet Kohima. Here comes the driver. A long and winding road awaits. Passing trucks ’round blind corners. Honk to be sure.

Sit down on the plane. Sleeep. A child peers his head over the seat. I make a face. He makes one back. The game has begun. Waiting for luggage at the belt. Hold my breath. Oh, there it is. The last blue suitcase to arrive.

Hire a taxi. The driver talks on his mobile. Texts on his mobile. Chats with his friend, who came along for the ride. Sings to himself. Honks his horn.

Hotel check-in. Step into another world. Soft bed, clean sheets, shower with warm water. Giddy giggles escape.

Evening stroll through busy streets. Vendors, shopping, feel the energy. See the children. See the families. At home on the street.  Memories of years ago come flooding back.

 

Nostrils burning from car exhaust in the street.

Shouts  exchanged between street vendors.

Barefeet on the marble slabs of a temple floor.

The heat of motorcycle exhaust as it passes by, another close one.

The woman sitting on the ground. Motioning for food. Her hand resting on my leg.

Spices and incense hang in the air.

4 children sitting, playing cards on the sidewalk. Now two of them argue over a disupted hand played.

The smell of fried oil and freshly squeezed lemons.

One taller street boy teasing his younger friend by keeping a plastic bag dancing in the air, just above his head.

2 lepers wave their stubbled hands to me.

The ringing of hand bells by rickshaw drivers on the streetside.

 

visit with Pari. bonfire. pizza. afternoon with Sara Jane. dinner with Balo & fam. sightseeing with Atola &  Tayin. shillong peak take 2. fresh pineapple with salt & chilli pepper.

office. sort of sick. up came lunch. really sick. lying on the couch. hi kohima! m&ms!!! soup. atola’s home remedy. don’t ask just gulp it down. lying in bed. itunes playlist. sick day. sleeeeeeep.

office. got almost teary-eyed thinking about future goodbyes. kohima & guests for dinner tonight. still need to pack. 7am pick up tmrw. kolkata bound city of joy.

Friday night I went to a youth coffee house ministry held at one of the churches in Shillong. It was life giving. Combined 3 of my favourite things: live music, people and coffee J I left feeling refreshed after a long week.

Saturday morning I received news that Toshi, one of the band members, had collapsed and died that morning. Just like that. I didn’t know him so I didn’t feel sad. But it was shocking. He had to have been close to my age. And last night he was just fine. And now he’s gone.

I sat with the news for a bit this morning. I don’t know about you but I take this life for granted.

This week it seems to have been thrown in my face the fact that life is but a breath.

Phiba miscarried.

Johnson’s dad passed away.

And now this young man, Toshi.

Maybe deaths really do come in 3’s…

One moment you’re here, the next you’re gone.

One moment you’re healthy and one test later you’ve got a life altering disease.

It makes me think of how I let myself believe that I’ll be healthy and alive forever.

It makes me think of how short time really is.

And how much time I let slip through my fingers.

The hours I’ve wasted fighting silly fights.

The hours I’ve wasted chasing after petty things.

The hours I’ve spent envying, comparing, wishing things were otherwise.

The moments when I’ve chosen me over others.

When I’ve chosen to take rather than give.

When I let fear and insecurity have the final say.

It makes me want to drink up every moment.

To not miss out on a chance to love, to laugh, to LIVE!

To not pass up an opportunity to give my love to others, to share joy moments, and to speak truth, and life-giving words to others.

It makes me want to try. To make mistakes. To dare to be a fool.

I don’t want to reach the end and see that I lived half a life.

I want more.

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”

“Well, what I learned in Chile is that we are never more alone than when we are on our computers or stuck in traffic, and we are never more connected than when we are present where we are.” – Mason Jennings

Came across this quote and it was a good reminder. As my India stint is nearing its end I’m finding myself thinking more and more about home and reconnecting with friends and family. But the reality is that there’s still so MUCH more to come and I don’t want this remaining time to slip away or be wasted by not being all here.

I think part of me is scared to be fully here.

Because I remember the way India stuck with me last time.

Because I know that it will change me.

Because I know that a goodbye is looming.

I’m scared to let it get too close.

I think of the C.S. Lewis quote: “love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken.”

If I live my life trying to avoid a broken heart, what kind of a life is that?

Today (Sunday) was fun.

I had been invited by Pari to come to her home for a visit. Today was the day. The plan was to take a taxi to the golf course and she would meet me there. I don’t know if I’ve explained the taxi system here but taxis run more like mini buses than your traditional idea of a taxi. You hail a taxi and pay a set price for your ride, 5 Rs. for short distances, 10 Rs. for longer. Although if you’re white, fat chance of paying less than 10 But the taxi is not yours, others will join in for the ride. Take today, for example. Tayin and I hailed a cab and for the first part of the ride it was just the 2 of us. However by the time we reached our stop there were 4 other passengers who had joined, bringing the total body count inside our cab up to 7. So, after we were dropped, the driver continued on to the destinations of his new passengers and I’m sure more were picked up along the way.

Tayin and I reached the golf course, called Pari and she came and we all walked to her home. Pari, her 3 daughters, 1 cousin, 1 neighbour, Tayin and I crammed into her living room for tea. Somehow my hair became the topic of conversation. Pari’s eldest daughter is a beautician so before I knew what was happening my hair was being combed and pulled and straightened, intermingled with comments such as: “your hair is like barbies!” “your hair is so soft!” And so on. Here are some photos to give you a better idea But the fun was not to stop there.

just a day in the life of...

 

After tea at Pari’s it was time to visit Pari’s neighbour for more food, seriously, you have no idea how much food is offered to me here (and Auntie wonders why I’m never hungry)! But the highlight of the visit to the neighbour was that she lived next door to a dog trainer. And we watched a dog go through a course, jumping over hurdles and through hoops! I can’t post the video here but I’ll try upload it on facebook. After the dog show Tayin and I pulled ourselves away as we had a church service to get too.

Pari insisted that I come visit again. I didn’t want to make promises I couldn’t keep so I told her I would try. Her response: “Don’t try, COME!” The plans have already been made, a picnic on the golf course (and yes, I said on…) and another dog show. I think it’s a done deal

Some bug got into my candy. Dangit!

Got a phone call at the office from some Dr. whose name I couldn’t pronounce. It took me a bit to place him but we met once at a lunch and he tracked me down to get more info about a program I’d told him about at Fuller. I’ll be honest, I have him narrowed down to 1 of 2 people but I couldn’t tell you which one he was…

Was informed that tmrw night I’ll be eating snails.

The “R” key has popped off my laptop keyboard. Poor lappy, he’s taken a beating on this side…

Sitting in an internet cafe with “She Thinks My Tractor’s Sexy” blaring in the background.

Computer problems.

Freak out.

Late night, early morning. Repeat.

Ate said snails. Actually enjoyed them. The thing to get over was shlurping them out of the shell.

It’s getting cold here. I should’ve brought my toque. For the nights at least. It’s still warm during the day but it gets chilly in the evenings and early morning. Three cheers for my sleeping bag.

Emailed off the annual report draft for feedback. Yay!

My picture is in some Khasi newspaper.

Power outage.

Power back on. Now the internet’s out.

Internet’s back. Better post before it’s too late

“Whatever it is that we’re afraid of, one thing holds true…that by the time the pain of not doing the thing gets worse than the fear of doing it, it can feel like we’re carrying around a giant tumor.” Grey’s Anatomy.

I love this show. A few qualifiers. Season 1, and 5 are Grey’s at its prime. Season 2 is a close runner up. The rest of the seasons? Meh…But they build up to Season 5 so it’s not a total write-off. But Grey’s has got me through a lot. So, awhile back I splurged and used a gift card to treat myself to seasons 1 & 2. Thank you amazon.com for cheap just-like-new-used dvds. In packing for India I chose to take a selection of my fave dvds along with me. Season 1 made the cut. Last night I needed some chill time so I put in my “comfort food” of dvds and watched some Grey’s. It gets me almost every time. I’m not a big crier in movies. Titanic? Nothing. A Walk to Remember? Don’t hate me but I started to laugh when she breaks the news that she’s sick. But for some reason Grey’s can make my eyes water faster than an onion. It’s strange, but watching Grey’s can be a heart check at times. If my heart is full, Grey’s makes me cry. If I’m happy, Grey’s is hilarious. And so on. For the record, I never said I was normal

So, the quote above jumped out at me last night. Hmmm…I  mulled over it a bit last night. This morning I tried to pray a bit about it. What am I holding on to? What am I avoiding or stuffing down? What am I afraid of? Fear gets me pretty much every time.

Then I read this little blurb:

“Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes. “ (The Message)

Then I went to church. Auntie was preaching and let me tell you, she can preach it. But I got hung up on her first few lines. She quoted the passage about unless a kernel falls to the ground and dies…And then she said something about sacrifice. Since I’m trying to be honest…the first thing that came to mind was “Oh shit” (pardon my Albertan, although it’s also the Khasi word for hot…). And I spent the rest of the sermon trying to reason with God. But dangit, somehow he always wins. I need to let go of some things and stop running from others. I need to not let fear have the final say. I just hate it. I hate sacrifice. Sh… See, without thinking that word follows! Because I know that sacrifice is hard. It rips you apart. It’s no shortcut. Sigh…

And yet, somehow, his way, even when it’s stinkin’ hard and seemingly not fair, his way is best.

It may rip you apart but he never leaves you that way. It’s like surgery, it cuts you up but it’s so that you can heal.

I’m just a bit intimidated. Its looking like this month’s theme is going to be “sacrifice.” I won’t say it, but you know what I’m thinking…

In case you’re wondering, I still have not outgrown my klutzy nature. Friday night, for example. I had to go through the meeting hall and I was late coming back from work so I didn’t want to disturb the evening vespers. I thought I’d quietly sneak in the back. Great plan Antonia. Until I fell down the steps and into the back door. The entire room of girls turns back to see what the commotion was. What to do? Laugh. Wave. Scurry to my seat.

It was like the time I tripped on the steps during the All-Star date at T-dub. Or the time I was running across campus to my friends on the bench. Let’s just say I didn’t make it Or the time I fell off the beam at the beach. Or the time…

Classic.

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