It’s that time of year again.
The time of year when Antonia goes into a mini life-crisis because, gasp, she must make a decision. Yes, I know, I over-worry, over-think, and over-stress about most things. I guess I just don’t want to miss out on anything that this life has to offer, don’t want to waste a minute. Which is ironic, because that is exactly what happens when I get caught up in this stew of indecision.
But why is it so difficult? To just…to just choose! To make a decision. To go for it. To stick with it.
Maybe it’s because when I do choose, I give my heart to it. There’s no halfway with me. It’s all or nothing. If it’s anything in between, I hate it, and how it leaves me reeling.
Maybe it’s because I’ve made some choices before that left me standing still, disoriented and confused.
Maybe it’s because I want to do everything. And a lifetime of choices couldn’t give me that.
Maybe it’s because I’m afraid. Afraid of failure. Of stepping out. Of trying something new. Of staying with the same.
Maybe it’s because I don’t trust enough. That I don’t trust my God to show the way, to open and close the doors (or windows) that I must go through. That I don’t trust myself, to try and to fail or even possibly succeed.
I read this in the story of Jesus according to Luke. And it makes me rethink all my maybes…
“Can all your worries add a single moment to your life? And if worry can’t accomplish a little thing like that, what’s the use of worrying over bigger things?…And don’t be concerned about what to eat and what to drink. Don’t worry about such things. These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers all over the world, but your Father already knows your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and he will give you everything you need.” Luke 12.25-26, 29-31
